is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
