I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
