ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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