Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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