im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
