So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
