Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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