Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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