You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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