there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
