Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
