Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
