is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
