dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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