Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
