When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
