Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
