I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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