Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
