I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
