My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
