So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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