ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
