Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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