did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
