My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
