I wanna passion pit in your ass
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then my night got REAL pukey
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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