So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
