i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
