____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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