she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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