wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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