What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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