I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
