listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
