i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
