A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
