i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
