If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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