I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
