I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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