It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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