I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
