i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
