he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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