Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
