like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
