I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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