i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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