My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
