Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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