My room smells like vodka and shame
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
