i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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