Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
