Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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