your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
