Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
