YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
