he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize