If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
