He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
