I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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