Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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