you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
