he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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