You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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