I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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