She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
