I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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