At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
