i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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