the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
