It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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