You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
