someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
