Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
