Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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