Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
