it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
