remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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